5 What Hollywood doesn't understand about Superhero Movies

   Comic book movie adaptations are huge cash cows for the film industry. The release of a new superhero movie makes headlines over Angelina Jolie promising to adopt every child in Cambodia. These films already have a built-in fan base of comic book nerds willing to venture into the sunlight for the first time in years just to watch their favorite superhero on the big screen. And for the most part, people of all ages enjoy reliving a bit of their childhood watching larger than life heroes save the day. So the real question usually isn't whether a new adaptation will be profitable, but rather how much money it's going to make. 

   Seems pretty simple right? Well, not simple enough for the movie industry. There are two basic paths a studio can take here. The first is to hire a qualified writer who's actually written at least one good movie script in the past. Naturally, quality actors then want to sign on because the characters have some depth. Good directors become interested due to the quality of the story. In the end, all these factors help guarantee a successful film. Sequels follow shortly thereafter which garner absurd amounts of money and everyone ends up happy.

Here's a few examples:

--Warner Bros. signs Christopher Nolan (Memento) and David S. Goyer (Blade) for Batman Begins. Both writers have at least one good credit to their name, thus are clearly capable of writing a good film. The script turns out great. Christian Bale signs up and the movie ends up making $372 million worldwide. The Dark Knight goes on to make over $1 billion worldwide.

--Paramount Pictures hires Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby (Children of Men) to write Iron Man. Two proven writers who manage to churn out a witty, fast-paced script. Downey Jr. signs on and the movie turns into a huge sleeper hit with $584 in box office receipts. Iron Man 2 has already made $524 million.

Sadly, this first option is rarely chosen. Most studio executives, possibly after shooting up heroin in a bathroom stall, instead decide to hire a screenwriter with god-awful film credits (or no experience whatsoever). Essentially, they hire someone who's never proven himself/herself capable of writing a quality full-length screenplay to head a project potentially worth billions of dollars.

There are many, many examples of this:

--John Turman is hired to write Hulk. He had absolutely no prior full length script-writing credits. The resulting film involved three-hours of Eric Bana standing around looking depressed in between ten minutes of nonsensical action scenes. Then, in an apparent attempt to one-up their own stupidity, the studio hired Zak Penn to write the sequel. Unlike John, Penn had some past experience... in writing terrible movies. X-Men 3, Elektra, and Fantastic Four were all his creation. Needless to say, neither Hulk movie was especially successful and the sequel barely surpassed the original.

--20th Century Fox hires James Robinson to pen The League of Extraordinary Gentleman. His past works can all be found in your local rental store at the bottom of the $2 movie bin. This comic book adaptation failed miserably and there's still no talk of a sequel.

--Alan McElroy is hired to write Spawn. Astonishingly, his previous best movie credit was Halloween 4. As usual, the film made almost no money and thus no sequel has been planned.

--20th Century Fox hires Mark Frost to write Fantastic Four. The movie reminds us Jessica Alba would probably be working in a strip club rather than as a professional actress if she were any less attractive. A sequel is made that manages to be less profitable than the original.

   So, when will these studios learn? Probably never. They still profit off every Superhero movie made because enough people are going to see them regardless of quality. The fact that they're missing out on millions of dollars in sequel money when a film like Spawn completely bombs is largely ignored. Just take at look at some of the upcoming Superhero films. Jonah Hex is written by Mark Neveldine, who also penned Crank 2: High Voltage. As for Thor, the geniuses at Paramount decided to hire a lead writer who's only movie credit is Agent Cody Banks. These films will most likely turn out awful and still turn a nice profit. Just think how much more they could make by actually producing decent flicks.